【教育类】
The reading students do on their own is as important as or more important than that assigned by the teachers 自主阅读还是完成老师布置的阅读作业。(2016年3月11日)
〖学生习作〗馨月
〖首段〗背景介绍 + 作家立场
Traditionally, professor’s reading tasks are considered to be superior to the reading chosen by students themselves. It does make sense ①as professors always have a more open and forward-looking view on the field they ②major in. And what they commend usually ③ benefit us quite a lot. In spite of the mainstream, however, I believe that students’ independent reading is on a higher position than professor’s assigned tasks.
〖点评〗这是馨月第二次提交的文章，信息做了减法，基本没有错误，还能有一些亮点表达，清晰表达了立场，这些是进步。①as 应该改为because②major in 建议改成 specialize in ③ benefit 前面是句子做主语，应该改为benefits
〖润色〗Traditionally, reading tasks designed by teachers are considered to be superior to the counterparts chosen by students. It does make sense because professors always have an in-depth understanding about and forward-looking view on the field they specialize in. And what they commend usually benefits us quite a lot. In spite of the mainstream, I still believe that students’ independent reading is on a higher position than the reading assignments arranged by teachers
〖解析〗
1. be superior to the counterparts chosen by students 优越于学生们选择的阅读作品
2. have an in-depth understanding about 对于……有深度的理解
3. specialize in 专门学习
4. the reading assignments arranged by teachers 老师们布置的阅读
〖二段〗第一次支持立场
① On the one hand, selecting books by ourselves can contribute to better study. As interest is the best teacher ②of study, ③ the alternate reading inspires students to study ④in enthusiasm and⑤ learn the knowledge by heart, which can truly ⑥avail ⑦our future life. Not only can they think independently, but also they can have an impressive memory on what they read. In fact, it’s just what they choose to read that ⑧determine what kind of people they will become in the future. Albert Einstein learned the Infinitesimal Calculus by himself when he was only 16 years old, which is the fundamental of supporting his notable theory of relativity.
〖点评〗本段细节错误不多，爱因斯坦的例证特别点赞。小鹏哥帮助作者升华语言，把握思考。同时，本段建议写作自己的例证，更加有说服力。① On the one hand 建议改成 First, ②of study 删除不影响表达，信息做减法。③ the alternate reading 交替阅读表义不清楚，建议改成reading favorite books ④in enthusiasm 作者表达热情地，正确写法是with great enthusiasm ⑦ our future life 应该是their future lives ⑧determine 建议改成will influence
〖润色〗
First, selecting books by ourselves can contribute to better study. As interest is the best teacher, reading favorite books inspires students to study with great enthusiasm and acquire a wealth of knowledge by heart, which can truly benefit their future lives. Not only can they think independently, but also they can have an impressive memory on what they read .In fact, it’s just what they choose to read that will influence what kind of people they will become in the future. Albert Einstein learned the Infinitesimal Calculus by himself when he was only 16 years old, which is the fundamental of supporting his notable theory of relativity.
〖解析〗
1. reading favorite books 阅读喜爱的书籍
2. with great enthusiasm 充满热情地
3. acquire a wealth of knowledge by heart 用心学习大量的知识
4. can truly benefit their future lives 对于他们未来的生活有利好
5. what they choose to read that will influence他们选择的书籍将会影响到
〖三段〗第二次支持立场
① On the other hand, reading independently is a vital skill of life. Sooner or later, all students will finally ②graduate from school. Even though they still can ③ ask questions to their teachers, in most cases, adults need to ④solve the difficulties on their own. No matter what occupation they ⑤ choose for, there is always ⑥unfamiliar knowledge need to obtain. To handle these problems, reading is really a crucial and efficient way. Thus the capability about how to attain unknown things is quite important to people. It can be developed during the process of optional reading. Reading by themselves is one of the necessary factors that ⑦ play an important role in their pursuit of success.
〖点评〗本段谈及自由阅读对于未来产生的利好。作者独立思考，自由写作，错误较少，值得点赞。小鹏哥语言升级令文章更加顺畅。① On the other hand 改成 further. ②graduate from school 改成finish their schooling and higher education. ③ ask questions to their teachers 改成ask teachers questions. ④solve the difficulties 改成 surmount difficulties. ⑤ choose for 改成 opt for. ⑥unfamiliar knowledge need to obtain 改成 new knowledge need to update. ⑦ play an important role in 改成 has an indispensable role to play in
〖润色〗
Further, reading independently is a vital skill of life. Sooner or later, all students will finish their schooling and higher education. Even though they still can ask teachers questions, in most cases, adults need to surmount the difficulties on their own. No matter what occupation they opt for, there is always new knowledge need to update. To handle these problems, reading is really a crucial and efficient way. More precisely, the ability to think independently can be tapped during the process of free reading, these capabilities will exert a positive influence on our future. In this sense, Reading according to our own interests will have a key role to play in our pursuit of success.
〖解析〗
1. finish their schooling and higher education 完成中小学或大学教育
2. ask teachers questions 问老师问题
3. surmount the difficulties 克服困难
4. opt for 选择
5. new knowledge need to update 充电
6. the ability to think independently can be tapped during the process of free reading, 独立思考在自由阅读中会被开发
7. exert a positive influence on our future 对于未来有利好的影响
8. have a key role to play in our pursuit of success 在追求成功的过程中发挥重要的作用
〖四段〗让步对立观点的合理性 + 加以反驳
① Though, readings arranged by the teachers also have many advantages. By occupying the time with books recommended by the educators, students can ②receive knowledge in high efficiency. After all teachers ③ are more specialized of what they teach so what they select is beneficial to students. Nevertheless, these books always are ④ too professional for students to read, which means it might be very hard for students ⑤insist on finishing the whole books. Despite having a deep comprehension of what they read, this action is a waste of time.
〖点评〗本段让步对立观点的合理性，老师精通专业知识，学习可能读书更加高效。反驳对立观点：有时候老师布置的阅读作业，对于学生可能太难。 ① Though 改成however, ② receive knowledge in high efficiency 改成 absorb knowledge more effectively. ③ are more specialized of what they teach 改成 excel in professional knowledge. ④ 此次加上sometimes 更加理性客观。⑤insist on finishing the whole books 改成 to finish the whole books.
〖润色〗
However, readings arranged by the teachers also have many advantages. By occupying the time with books recommended by the educators, students can absorb knowledge more effectively. After all，teachers excel in professional knowledge， so what they select is beneficial to students. Nevertheless, these books always are，sometimes， too professional for students to read, which means it might be extremely for students to finish the whole books. Despite having a deep comprehension of what they read, this action is a waste of time.
〖解析〗
1. absorb knowledge more effectively 高效吸收知识
2. excel in professional knowledge 精通专业知识
3. be extremely for students to 对于学生来说很难做……
〖尾段〗总结立场
In closing, I regard optional reading ① a more important thing than the compulsory readings. While the compulsory reading ②has some advantages, students can gain more benefits ③to read freely. ④Based on what I have mentioned, it is safe to draw the conclusion that ⑤ reading students do themselves is more important than the reading assigned by the professors.
〖点评〗 尾段作者意在总结立场，路标词汇重复，语言单一，没有变化，也有瑕疵性错误。① 此处加上as，②has some advantages 改成enjoy some merits. ③to read freely改成via reading freely ④Based on what I have mentioned, it is safe to draw the conclusion that 删除⑤ reading students do themselves改成selecting books out of interest
〖润色〗
In closing, I regard optional reading as a better choice compared with the compulsory readings. While the compulsory reading enjoys some merits, students can gain more benefits via reading freely. Therefore，selecting books out of interest is more preferable and feasible than the reading assigned by the professors.
〖解析〗
1. regard optional reading as 把随性阅读当作
2. compared with 对比
3. enjoys some merits 有一些利好
4. Therefore，selecting books out of interest 因此，出于兴趣选择阅读
5. is more preferable and feasible 更加可取可行
〖全文点评〗
馨月历经三次提交，完成到上述范文程度。第二次范文的四段写作跑题，小鹏哥重新指导思路。本篇写作中细节性的句法错误难免，语言有重复。小鹏哥精细修改润色，已经是一篇比较完美的个性范文。
【作者介绍】
薛鹏：(新浪微博：雅思小鹏哥)，14岁发表作品，20岁出版作品集《选择坚强》 。吉林大学外国语言学及应用语言学硕士，前长春新东方功勋教师，长春市作家协会会员，新东方网雅思频道、托福频道专栏作家。2006年获得“外研社/朗文杯”新概念背诵大赛吉林省赛区大学成人组冠军，全国总决赛大学成人组亚军。现独创小鹏哥英语工作室。
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